The Bigfoot Who Loved Nirvana

There were no clouds in the sky as Eddie and Frank prepared for their soirée in their newly built cabin. Having been roommates for a few years, Frank decided they needed a place away from university and more in tune with nature. Naoko, Frank’s girlfriend, was stopping by to help but was late as usual.

Frank stood in the middle of their gravel driveway and hung a sign indicating that Frank and Eddie’s Festival was Here with an overly large lit-up arrow Eddie had constructed out of cardboard and some extra Christmas lights.

Things were going to plan when Frank heard a growl from the tree line. 

“Hilarious Eddie,”

“What is funny?” Eddie asked, running up to where Frank was standing. 

“You- did you just growl at me?”

Before Eddie could answer, a large animal carcass fell from the top of one of the trees they were standing under. 

“Ohh, dude!” Frank said, jumping back.

“What is that?”

“Looks like a Deer’s head,” Frank said, leaning over to inspect it.

As they were trying to figure out what the hell was going on, Naoka pulled in.

“Hey, you two lamebrains. Are you guys ready to party?” she said in a sing-song way.

“Yeah, I think so,” Eddie said.

Frank was still in deep thought, looking at the mysterious drop of a carcass lying by his foot.

“What is that?”

“Some deer meat, anyone? Eddie asked.

“Eww, No, I’m vegan. Looks like it got torn up pretty bad. Are you guys going to get rid of that before the party?” Naoko asked. She looked at Frank, who seemed still trying to figure out where it fell.

Eddie went over to the carcass and picked it up. He ran deep into the woods, dropped it, and then returned to the cabin. He went in and then came out drying his hands. “All done. Come on, you love birds; let’s finish up before the guests arrive. I still need to get this keg going. 

Eventually, the guests arrived one by one. They built a fire outside near the cabin, and music was playing in the distance, among other things. 

The night wore on, and eventually, anyone that hadn’t passed out in some tents they brought was now gone. 

Frank lay next to Naoko in a hammock he had built for this occasion. He had taken some magic mushrooms, quickly dissolving into the Cascade Mountain Range as the moon peered out under a pine. 

Suddenly he heard Eddie scream.

Frank shook off the dissolved feeling long enough to focus on Eddie. There was no sound now. Frank closed his eyes again, and when he reopened them, he was peering up at pitch darkness. Something was now obstructing his view of the moon.  

Frank blinked a few times, and then he saw the black mass in front of him move. Soon he could see the moon again, only now he heard Eddie screaming again.

“Frank!”

Eddie sat up slowly, trying not to wake Naoko. “What the hell Eddie?”

“There was a monster!”

“How stoned are you?”

“I’m serious; there was a monster. I saw it walk towards you. Did you see it? Are you okay?”

Frank was computing what Edit had just said to him, trying to figure out if he had seen something. He couldn’t focus at the moment. He was feeling too good. His body had this warm sensation going up his legs, and suddenly they heard it.

There was a growl coming toward the edge of the forest of trees. It was deep and brooding. It reminded Eddie of the Tyrannosaurus Rex in Jurassic Park. It was only getting closer to where they were in the forest. 

Frank woke Naoko and helped her off the hammock as quickly as possible. Naoko stumbled with Frank carrying her towards the cabin. He held her up as they got into the cabin and laid her gently on the couch. Without skipping a beat, she went right back to snoring. 

Eddie was shutting the cabin door when something hit the side of the cabin. Frank peeked out of the window again, but a large rock cracked the glass. 

“Something doesn’t want us out here,” Frank said.

“What gave you that shitty idea? The giant bear outside?” Eddie asked. 

“That wasn’t a bear; that was a guy. I saw his hair. He had that long hair like those rockers from the 80s. You know, like that band Slayer?” Frank asked as he pretended to do air guitar.

“What are you talking about? A person doesn’t growl like that!” Eddie rolled his eyes.

Frank looked out the window, and it got quiet- too quiet. Not even a cricket was chirping.  

“Maybe it is gone,” Eddie said.

“Maybe,” Frank replied. He was still looking outside, trying to see if he could see the black mass of hair again. 

Suddenly, they both smelled a cross between a skunk, the worst rotting roadkill, and pine weed.  

“Oh my god!” Eddie was holding his nose as much as he could. He looked at Frank, who was now bellied over, choking and coughing.

“What the hell is that?” Frank begged.

“I think that thing took a giant shit!”  

“Bears have shit that smells that bad? Put it out of its misery, then!” Frank was hacking now and trying to catch his breath when something fell into the fireplace.

“What the hell is that?”

When Eddie walked over and looked into the fireplace, he saw the carcass head from earlier that he had tossed deep into the forest. It was the head of a deer with two bludgeoned eyes staring directly up at him. 

“AHHHH!” Eddie screamed and backed into Frank, who also was now screaming.

The two of them began to scream together; all the while, Naoko lay on the couch, snoring. Not one sound would budge her. Frank looked over at the door to the cabin as it suddenly burst in.

Standing before them was the tallest, hairiest, meanest-looking bigfoot creature they had seen. Its eyes glared at Frank and Eddie, covered in coagulated blood all over its chin and chest. It snorted like a pick for a second and then came inside the cabin. It hit its head on the cabin ceiling but didn’t seem to care. It kept going right for Eddie and Frank, who had now climbed over the still-sleeping Naoko on the couch. They were in mid-climb when Eddie accidentally hit the cd player, starting one of the CDs in the player. 

“Come as you are.” Nirvana began to play. The creature stopped for a second centering its eyes behind them where the music was coming from. 

The Bigfoot walked quickly towards the couch and stepped over the sleeping Naoko, and the two cowardly men crouched behind the sofa. The music was loud and getting louder at the chorus when the creature hit the front of it, shutting it off. The creature growled loudly, and Eddie screamed.

“Shut up, dude!” Frank whispered, hitting Eddie. 

They both heard Naoko moan in her sleep as if she were talking to Frank. The creature turned for a second, looking at Naoko, and growled.  

Frank hit the button on the cd player again, and the song started up again. The creature got excited, almost smiling. The creature sat down on the floor in front of the player.

Eddie and Frank looked at each other perplexed. It seemed to calm at the raspy voice of Kurt Cobain. Frank stood up and slowly walked around toward the Bigfoot as he was mesmerized by the music.

Eddie looked at Frank, terrified, as his friend picked up the cd case and held it up to the creature.  

“What are you doing?” Eddie asked frantically. “He is going to kill us, you moron. We have to get out of here!”

“Nirvana,” Frank said as he held the cd case up to the Bigfoot.

“How much of that stuff did you take?” Eddie was annoyed and began to back away from the creature and Frank when the animal noticed it and grabbed Eddie, making him sit next to him. He held Eddie’s head against his chest as he made a sound as if he were happy listening to the music. 

Eddie’s eyes were huge as he tried to be okay in the situation while thinking of how the hell he was going to escape.

Frank hit the button on his remote, and it began to play Led Zeppelin. He held up the case for the Physical Graffiti when the creature slapped the cd case out of his hand and growled in Frank’s face.  

Frank quickly tossed the cd case to the cabin floor, and the creature hit the cd case cracking it in half. He began to move toward the player, and Frank returned to playing Nirvana. “In Bloom” began to play, and the creature seemed to giggle like a chimpanzee in a zoo.  

“He likes Nirvana and nothing else,” Frank said, amazed.

“Likes it? More like a huge Stan for it. You want to tell him, or should I tell him what happened to Kurt?” Eddie asked sarcastically. He was still under the creature’s armpit at this time. 

“Not funny, dude! Let him enjoy it. At least he isn’t killing us or trying to eat us.”

The two young men sat there all night as the Bigfoot practically ignored them, listening to the music. It was nothing they had ever seen before, nor would they ever.

Eddie was still sitting close to the creature. He had finally relaxed a bit, wondering if he should find a way to film this, when Frank spoke up, “Noone will ever believe this, but I don’t care.”

“Frank? How are we going to get out of this?”

“Oh, yeah, I hadn’t thought about that yet. It will surely follow the music if we stop and find a way to move it outside. Where is your phone?’

“Outside,”

“Nevermind,” Frank sat there as “Heart Shaped Box” began to play. The creature seemed to be in a catatonic state listening to the music.

“Maybe we should just leave it here,”

“We could, but I have a feeling that isn’t a good idea,” he said as he watched the creature stand up. He let Eddie fall over, who had been leaning on him for some time. 

As the creature moved around the cabin, he seemed to be looking for something.  

Then the creature went back towards the door to the cabin. There were other creatures outside. They had come to find it.

Eddie and Frank stood looking at the creature, wondering about its next move. It didn’t take long to figure it out. The beast went towards the door, then looked back at Frank and Eddie. It pointed towards the cd player.

“He wants the cd player, dude,” Eddie said.

“Well, let’s give it to him,” Frank said. He was grinning still high from the shrooms as he handed the creature the cd player as the music was still playing. The Bigfoot took the player, and as he left the cabin, the plug came undone, stopping the music instantly.

“This isn’t going to plan.” Frank sighed.

The Bigfoot growled almost helplessly.  

“Hey buddy,” Frank began. “You can have this.” He took the cd out of the player and handed him the cd in the case.  

The Bigfoot growled again, pointing to his ears. 

Frank realized it wasn’t just some dumb creature because it needed the machine to make the music work. Frank then got the idea to unhitch the chord and put new batteries in the player. 

Frank put the cd back in and gave the player to Bigfoot, who was none too happy to take the music with him. 

It joyfully went out from the cabin, and seven more creatures came out of the treeline, following the giant Bigfoot they had just handed the cd player to. Within seconds they were out of sight as the music faded away.

“What just happened?” Eddie asked.

“I don’t know, but I just had the best trip of my life,”

Naoko woke up finally. “I just had the craziest dream that we were attacked by Bigfoot.”

Eddie and Frank laughed. Eddie looked at Frank, then, “Dude, what happens when the batteries run out?”

Frank shrugged as they both began to laugh hysterically.

Naoko was looking at them like they had lost their minds.

It would be a memorable evening for the two friends who never did tell anyone else about their experience, realizing no one would ever believe them. 

The End