After Annette took me to her house, we sat for a long time, and she talked with me to calm down my anxieties regarding my “possession.”
Granted, it is utterly laughable to me now, because shortly after this, I found myself wandering around a Barnes and Noble in the metaphysical section searching for books that might explain what was wrong with me.
I found a book, whose name I can no longer recall about connecting with spirits.
There was an entire chapter dedicated to “AUTOMATIC WRITING.” I finally had a name for it. I didn’t know what it was or why I was doing it. Annette wasn’t very familiar either until I had a conversation with her a few weeks later explaining what it was. She was receptive and a good friend because she wanted to try it herself after.
In a way, I was being groomed by H to do it. I believe he wanted me to understand that to communicate with him; I did not need any tools. My ability to use the board was because of my intuition, and natural skills which were not because of a cardboard game.
I did not end up with Ryan, even after all the things I was told. They never used his name they always answered with “he cares, he loves, he marries you.”
Nothing they told me was ever just about him. For instance, I was once told that he was adopted. Ryan wasn’t adopted at all. However, my husband is. They didn’t lie to me; I wasn’t ready to see past my infatuation with him. I couldn’t embrace the idea of meeting someone else and falling in love. In my mind, I took it at face value that everything was black and white. I didn’t understand that they “spirits” speak in code and often the universal language of symbols.
They don’t do it maliciously; they do it because if they told you everything, it would ruin your chances of living your life naturally. Knowing too much about your future can cause unnecessary stresses, and for me, it was very addictive. It was the only thing I was ever genuinely addicted to in my life.
I decided to write out my story, and I’m only telling a small portion of it because I realize what a gift it is. It wasn’t always seen that way. There was a time I was incredibly angry at them because I didn’t end up with the guy that I thought I should.
They used to tell me “DON’T WORRY WE WILL SEND SOMEONE THAT WILL HELP YOU.
SOMEONE NOT AS COWARDLY AS RYAN.
HE WILL WATCH YOU FROM AFAR.
HELP YOU WITH YOUR DREAMS BECOMING A REALITY.”
I never understood any of it, and then a few years ago, I made friends with someone that fit the description. It took me nearly twenty years to understand my experiences.
One last thing, at the high point of my automatic writing they would have me write 40 40 40.
Well, standing in my basement doing laundry one evening, I saw it. I just turned 40 years old this year. This is the age that I finally realized the meaning to all those messages. I know the names of the people they spoke of then. In a way, I do have an angel watching over me, a very human angel.
I often think about how much things could have been different if I knew then what I know now. I wouldn’t have put all my eggs in one basket. I would have let nature take its course.
In the end, I learned more about myself than I ever expected. I realized I wasn’t so weird, and my gifts have I introduced me to others like me and who I share similar experiences.
I’m now part of a podcast discussing these experiences.
To hear more check out Terra Turas